How confident are our children? How do we measure confidence? Do we even know the signs to a confident child?
I’d like to focus on Boys particularly. We all know that boys are harder to deal with in a woman’s perspective. We show them all the love possible and focus much on their emotional needs, but our we doing what’s right for them? are they developing to be confident and self efficient, or are they simply becoming too attached and needy?
Having read many articles that prove that which I’ve experienced my self growing up, that children develop more confidence having a male role model around them. Specially boys hence they’re to be that future man. If we look at the animal kingdom we come to find that this nature is true, for instance the baby male cub will grow to do just what a male lion is to and the female cub will learn from the female.
How do we increase our boys confidence?
Tough love – It is very important for a woman not to give into her emotions. Young boys will feed from that and use that weakness against us.
Responsibilities – We all know that we mothers are extremely over protective and we always have our kids back, giving our young boys responsibilities will make them feel that they’re returning trust back and that they’re taking control of the household which is something they’ll have to do in the future. A brief example my 6 year old might one day annoy or push around his younger sister. How should we intervene in such situation? The temptation here is to shout at him, when a better option is to make him feel responsible for his sister by telling him that he needs to protect her and take care of her hence she is younger in age. We all know that at such young age he’s not able to protect in truth but this will indeed motivate him to do so in the future and to be there for her as they become younger adults.
Do not tell him off in front of people – We know children make mistakes and thus learn from them. How do we best teach them without making them feel more restricted to express themselves than others? Which leads to a decline of confidence around people. What should a mother do in a scenario where her child might have hit someone else’s? The most common mistake made is telling your child off in front of the other child or parent which will directly empower the other child, when in truth we don’t know the full story and we forget how dramatic children can be. The best way of dealing with this situation is by calling your child over and ignoring the event that just happened, from that you ask the crying child if he/she is ok without allowing the other child to complain about your own, compliment him/her and talk to his/her mother in a friendly manner. When you’re alone with your child, comes the parenting. We start asking what happened, from there you advise on how could that scenario have been improved and what conduct your child should have instead taken. This will grant and develop trust and maturity for his future, to think before acting.
Encourage group work – Ensure your children solve problems together whether by means of play, communication or homework, allow children to discuss their answer and back up their arguments. Never tell them they’re wrong but rather asked them to improve, you may aid during this process. This teaches them to be able to back up arguments, show understanding and most importantly develops confidence in public speaking. This is healthy and important for academic purposes especially.
If you’re a single mother, widowed or in a distant relationship it’s very important that you allow the child to spend time with his father in a weekly basis. If for any reason this is not available nor feasible it’s a must that you expose your boy to a good role model within you family. This could be brothers, cousins or any other male trustee. You would be surprised how much that child will learn.