“Hasn’t your mum taught you…

We all here this statment to many times As a mother is the last thing you want to hear from people specialy from spouse so the point im making is that the responiblity of teaching ones child belongs to both parents, dont over burden yourselfs mums there are somthings only a mother can teach and somethings a father can teach thats why is a unity. may allah make our life journey easy ameen.

What islam says about both parents roles in a childs life

Raising children is a responsibility that is shared by both parents. This is a trust which Allaah enjoins them to take care of, each according to his position and ability, and this great responsibility cannot be restricted to one of them and not the other. 

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (853) and Muslim (1829). 

Think about how the hadeeth refers to the responsibility of each parent, so as to reinforce the idea that each of them is individually responsible in this regard. And in the hadeeth about the fitrah pure state one is born in) we see how children take their religion from both parents, and not just one of them. 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no child who is not born in a state of fitrah (pure state of Islam), then his parents make him a Jew or a Christian or a Magian.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1292) and Muslim (2658). 

With regard to fulfilment of shared duties, Islam enjoins a means by which they are usually fulfilled in the best and most successful manner, which is by means of discussion and consultation. This may be the most important cause of family happiness and successful rearing of children. The command to consult one another regarding shared responsibilities is mentioned in the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them”

[al-Baqarah 2:233]

Imam Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

i.e., if the parents of the child agree to wean him before he is two years old, and they think that this is good for him, and they consult one another about that and agree on it, then there is no sin on them for that. It may be understood from this that if one of them makes this decision on his or her own that is not sufficient and it is not permissible for one of them to decide that without consulting the other. This was stated by al-Thawri and others. This is safer for the child and ensures that his interests will be looked after. This is by the mercy of Allaah towards His slaves, as He has set out guidelines for the parents in raising their child, and has enjoined that which is in their best interests and the child’s. 

Tafseer al-Qur’aan il-‘Azeem (1/380). 

Some studies indicate that many marital problems that lead to divorce are caused by the absence of this matter in the marriage, namely consultation in family life, or by some error in implementing it. Discussion and consultation are an art and a science which must be practised and exercised and understood. 

It is natural that the parents’ opinions with regard to some shared responsibilities, such as raising the children, will sometimes differ, and that is due to differences in the background of the parents, or because of interference by some relatives, or other reasons. But this should not lead to a crisis unless the parents fail to reach an appropriate way of dealing with this difference of opinion. 

References from islam qna.

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